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I am new to this site.  I am also new to losing a baby.  My daughter, Elly Camille, was stillborn on March 11, 2008.  I was 28 weeks pregnant.  I had experienced a very smooth pregnancy.  Then, on March 8, I called my doctor b/c I had felt no fetal movement in 24 hours.  I went to hospital and the ultrasound showed no heartbeat.  We had all the tests that we could done, but everything came back normal.  Her death was "unexplained".  I have a 3 year old little boy, Bryce, that I am very thankful for.  We are getting ready to try for another child.  I am very nervous.  I welcome any advice.

[rgalvan]

Dearest Amy,

 I am so sorry for your loss of your precious Elly. How my heart goes out to you. I thank the Lord that you do have Bryce. I will certainly be lifting you and your family in my prayers. I can imagine the feelings of trying again bring excitement and anxiety. My only advice is to Trust in the Lord and know that HE has great blessings in store for you in His timing. I am excited for you though, I pray that God blesses your womb and family with a healthy and happy baby that will bring joy and laughter into your home. May God's peace be with you. Please keep me posted.

[lisah4]

Hey Amy,
I know how you feel. On May 12 our 3rd baby was stillborn, due to placenta abruption. We were 2 weeks from the due date. I know that God is carrying me and my family, because the pain is undescribable, and only God can bring you through. We were told that we could try again if we wanted to in 6 months, since I had a C-section. That would be November. That is a long time away. But the thought of a new pregnancy makes me sick on my stomache. Only because the pain is still so real and I just can't imagine my nerves throughout the preg and worrying if it will happen again. My doctor says it is like lightning striking. It is so rare for it to happen once, and for it to happen to the same person twice is even more rare.
What I am depending on is God. We will give the decision to him to try or not and if we concieve another of His miracles, we will trust Him in all that happens. For He alone holds the future. And I will always have my angel in heaven waiting on me!
I honestly know how hard this is and my heart breaks over again every time I hear that someone else faces this, no matter how long or why. I pray that your pain gets easier and that you and your family embrace each day that is given, for it is given by God above. And I know that you will comforted and held continually.
Please, as Rachel said, keep us posted. We care so much, because we have been there and are still there. We will always care for you and want to know how you are.

P.S.---Rachel is such a blessing and her words are always so soothing and right on target!!!
Love, Lisa

Thank you both so much.  Your words are very encouraging.  I will keep you in my prayers as well.

[lisah4]

Hi Amy,
I was just wondering how you are doing? I hope you are good.
Let us know if you need to talk. Coming here has been very very helpful to me.

I am doing well.  It will be "time" to try to get pregnant in a few weeks.  I  have started taking prenatal vitamins.   I really want another baby but am still worried about the pregnancy.  I have, however, given the whole thing God.  I know that know matter what happens, He is there and watching over me.  Also, all the worrying in the world is not gonna change the outcome.  I'll keep ya posted.  Thanks again.  By the way, how are you?

[lisah4]

Amy, I am doing pretty good. Good day, bad days, really bad days....You know, I am sure. We can try in November, which is our anniversary. Maybe we will go out of town together. That would be fun. I would like for us to go somewhere now, but money is the problem.
We haven't really decided if we are gonna try again. I just trust God to show us what He wants us to do.
Well, I am glad you are doing well. Talk to you soon,

I know how that goes.  I would love to go on vacation but we don't have the money either.  Also, we are getting ready to move.  So, it's just not a good time to go out of town.

[lisah4]

Hi Amy,
Haven't heard from you lately. Just wondering how you are doing? Have you moved yet? I hope you and your family are doing well. Let us know...

I am doing well.  We have started trying for another baby.  We haven't moved yet but our house is on the market and we have found a house that we like in our new area.  However, we cant buy it until our house here sells.  

When I had Elly a photographer came in a took photos of her for us.  He did some editing that I wasn't very please with.  I know that he was trying to do his best and what he thought would look good.  Anyway, I met a very nice young lady last weekend who draws portraits.  She is going to take one of the pictures of Elly and draw a portrait of her.  I am very excited and cant wait to see how it turns out.  

I hope you are doing well.  God bless!

[lisah4]

I know you are excited. We had the option to have the editing but we chose not to, and i am glad. The hosp and funeral pictures were so different. At first I thought the hosp picture made him look mad and I didn't like it much. And the funeral picture made him look like a sleeping baby. But as time p***es I like the hosp picture best, it is exactly how he looked the moment they laid him my arms. Natural and perfect.
I have found out that a blood clot caused my Tate's death. And I will be uundergoing more testing to see if we can have more babies and if I have p***ed the DNA mutation down to my other two children....
Good luck, and let us know how you are from time to time,k.

On one hand, I know it is some small relief knowing what happened Tate.  I will continue to pray for you during you testing.

The young lady that was going to draw a portrait of Elly for me couldn't.  Her email said that it was just too hard for her, emotionally. I am really having a hard time with that.  Part of me understands the difficulty of seeing a picture of a baby that is not alive.  But, the other part of me (the selfish part) thinks "ok, this is hard for you to look at....how do you think I feel?"  I don't know, part of me understands her feelings and the other part of me has hurt feelings.

[lisah4]

Amy,
I am sorry to hear this. I can imagine your feelings. But maybe that wasn't the right artist for the job. Keep looking, I am sure that the right one will be there. And I am positive that that one will do the most perfect job and will capture your little ones perfectness exactly. How did you find her? Did she have any ideas or references of someone who could do it.
I know that we are used to the pictures, and that they are completely gorgeous to us, but it is a shock to others. Many have never had to see a picture of a little angel like ours. I know that before this, I have never saw a picture of a baby that was not alive, it doesn't shock me, but had it not been the baby I gave birth to and help in my arms, I would be deeply upset and really feel upset by it.
I am praying that God send the right person to you and that you will be totally pleased with the outcome. You know God won't let you down, you know that.
I think I am going to put together a scrap book. With all the things about Tate in it. All the cards, flower notes, funeral things and pictures and I even have the positive pregnancy test. What do you think? Have you ever done that? Does it sound like a good thing to do?
Talk to you later.

The artist is the girlfriend of a family member.  Her work is gorgeous.  She is very sweet so I know she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings.  It still did, though.  Thank you for your encouragement.  

I think a scrapbook would be great.  I still have all of the same items of Elly's.  Even the pregnancy test.  My neighbor has offered to make the scrapbook for me but I just can't part with the items yet.   Let me know how it turns out.

[lisah4]

Hey again,
By parting with the items do you mean by turning them over to her to make the scrapbook? If so I understand that. I would really have a hard time letting someone else even touch them or make any kind of changes to all those precious things. I have never done a scrapbook, but I am so looking forward to doing it myself. I have had a few sad days lately and I have found that usually when I do, I want to do something new for Tate. Something that shows my rememberence and love for him. I made him a new flower for his grave a few weeks ago. I have never done that either, but it was so great to spend that time letting him know that I did it for him, on my own, out of my love for him, not just buying them, but spending time with him sortof. Maybe that sounds weird, but it really makes me feel close to him. I can't wait till this weekend when I can get started on it.
Maybe after some time she may be able to accept the picture and bless you with a portrait. I think there are a few places on the web that may do it?
Talk to you later.