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[miss my luv]

I have two boys my oldest will be 5 the other will be 2 in April.
I had my m/c in early January :cry: .Since than I've let my 2 yr old sleep in bed with me.My husband was working the graveyard shift,now hes going back to first shift.He wants my son out of the bed and I'm not ready to put him back in his own bed.We argued about it last night & he slept in our guest room.I'm I wrong for wanting my baby in bed with me rather than my husband :? ?I feel so distant from my husband and really don't want him in my bed.I'd rather he sleep in guest room.
I want the baby I lost and I want my 2 yr old near me (especially at night when thats when I lost my baby 3a.m).I feel guilty for having him sleep with me and not my oldest so I was actually thinking of letting both of them.Now my husbands hours at work get changed and I'm sopost to change things for him.When I lost my baby I called him and asked him to come home to be with me.He said no because he had his boss depending on him,the only way he'd come home is if I wanted to go to hospitol.He knew I'd say no because I was not going to take my boys out at that time of night.So I went through the m/c  by myself.I didn't know for sure that I was losing my baby but wanted him to be with me anyway.
Now he wants me to change our (mine&boys) routine for him.He wants me to be understanding of his needs and wants.Please.He makes me sick  :x right now.Is it normal to feel this way with your spouse?I'm I over reacting because my feelings are all over the place?The only feeling that isn't,is my anger  :evil:   toward my husband.Can anyone relate to me?I would think that having a m/c would bring us closer instead its ripping us apart.
Thank you for letting me vent.

[JenArbo0603]

I understand what you are saying, about feeling pressured, not that my husband did that, but I know many women in your situation.  I think you need to sit down, face to face, and calmly tell your husband how you feel, emotionally and physically, right now.

I don't think hiding behind your sons is the way to go right now.  It sounds as if you are using them as a shield.  I can understand why you are doing that, but it's not going to make things easier or better between your husband and yourself.  In fact, you are going to cause more problems and why should you drag your children into the middle of it?

Calmly tell your husband, "I just lost our baby and even though physically my body is ready, emotionally I am not and I don't know when I will be ready to be intimate with you again."  Then recommend other ways of being intimate, like snuggling or holding each other.  Tell him that his comfort and support are what you need right now and that when you are ready to be intimate again he will be the first to know.

I think a lot of times, we forget to communicate with our husbands when we are so deep in grief and they do not know what to do or how to handle us; and then they ***ume that physical love will make us feel better when all it does is remind us of our lost babies.

I am so sorry you are struggling with this situation right now.  Please know we are all here for you.

Much love and God's peace.

[dbpilcher]

Unfortunately, it is VERY common for a miscarriage to tear a couple apart.  In fact, when I had my first miscarriage, my doctor told both myself and my boyfriend that a high percentage of couples split up after a miscarriage because there is so much hurt and so much potential for misunderstanding.  She also told us that people grieve in many different ways and that can also tear people apart - if you are grieving in different ways, one or both of you may think the other is not grieving at all.
I can certainly understand you being angry that your husband refused to leave work when you were losing your child.  No one should have to go through that alone.  But I agree with Jennifer that it sounds like you are using your children to push your husband away.  Please know that we are not saying your feelings are wrong - your feelings are never wrong.  But understand that at least some of your feelings may be coming from the great loss you have just experienced - not only your husband's actions.  I agree that the best thing you can do is for the two of you to sit down and talk things over - so that he can understand how you are feeling and that you can understand how he is feeling also.

Good luck and remember we are here for you!

sorry to hear that....

I lost my angel 2 months ago and when i told my lil' ones father he left me so i know what you are going though

[barely here]

i know where u are comming from i just lost my tripplets yesterday and it feels like we are just not on the same page he reaches for me and i feel like i am so alone in the way i am feeling he dosnt seem to understand the loss i am feeling i have had three misscarriages and two still births yes we have two girls and i know how he wanted to have one more but it seems that god dosnt have that in the cards for us. I have acutally thought that maybe we were not ment to be together and our trials that we have failed are signs. I hope and pray for all of u who are going threw this. This is the hardest thing any family could ever go threw and i would not wish this on any one. I hope that one day we can make it back to where we started but it seems we have strayed off the path so far that we are struggling to find our way back. Dont give up always have faith andknow that all things will find away